Thursday, July 19, 2012

It's All In God's Hands

It's been almost 5 months since my last blog entry. Wow! So much has happened between February and now that I don't even know where to start. Medications have been increased, decreased or changed completely for Kaitlyn. She's had some side effects that we're not willing to live with or to make her put up with. 

June was a very difficult month for Kaitlyn. She missed the last two weeks of school due to depression, anxiety and paranoia. She didn't even feel able to attend her elementary school graduation ceremony or their end of the year field trip to Boston and Gillette Stadium. Once school was finished and summer vacation had begun, Kaitlyn was finally able to relax a bit, but her ability to control her emotions, thoughts and feelings dwindled to nothing and she started acting on them. We thought we were going to have to have her admitted to the hospital, but we managed to avoid that. So it was a medication change, followed by the addition of a new one a couple of weeks later to help her control those actions and intense and frightening feelings. Now due to some very negative side effects of that particular medication, we're going to start weaning her off of it next week. I'll admit, I'm concerned that she's going to start acting on her thoughts and feelings again, so we're praying there is an alternative to that particular medication that might be a better fit for Kaitlyn. 

Tomorrow I'm taking Kaitlyn to a hospital in Massachusetts to be evaluated for their partial hospitalization program. This means that if they take her, Kaitlyn will be going there 5 days a week from 9am-3pm. There she will receive intensive therapy and be taught coping skills to help her learn to live with her symptoms and feelings and make the most of each day. She will also see that there are other kids just like her, that she isn't the only one who has to learn to deal with similar problems. 

The down side to this partial hospitalization is that the hospital is an hour away with no traffic, and about 2 hours away in commuter traffic. We'll be driving up with the commuters tomorrow of course, then if she stays for the day, I'll come back home until it's time to drive back to get her and home yet again. This means no less than 5 hours of driving per day. I will be asking if it's possible to have them authorize service for Kaitlyn at one of our local hospitals for this reason. There are also a few other factors that make this more than just an inconvenience. Not only do we need the original hospital to authorize us to receive services from one of our local hospitals, there would also need to be space available in the local program, and at this point, I really would need the hospitals to work it out between them, because I'm not sure I have what it takes to arrange it myself. God knows our need and I'm trusting Him to work everything out for Kaitlyn's best. If she's unhappy and uncomfortable it's going to be a real fight to get her to go, and she's too big for me to strong arm her into the car anymore. Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. I am trying my best to just leave this all in God's hands and to not worry about what's going to happen. 

It isn't easy writing about something that is such a large and consuming part of my life without going into a lot of details and coming off as a total downer, but I think I've managed it this time around. I'm not even crying, so that's got to be a good sign, right?

Hoping and praying for some good results to post about next time. Thank you all for your love and support, it means more than words can say.

Little by little, step by step, making my way every day.


  1. You are on you way already, and I have only just now ready your blog dear. There is much prayer going up on behalf of Kaitlyn, and your little family. This helps sustain and encourage us, and hopefully it does you as well. You are in my heart every day, every day, every day! You amaze me on so many levels and I am so proud you are our daughter. Often we feel helpless, being so far away...not there to give you the emotional support we desire, but we are certain of this: "Underneath are the everlasting arms" carrying you when you feel your strength is gone, and the Sovereign God is working out the details even when all seems hopeless. Praying for you all today and looking forward to hearing a good report. Darling, my heart is so full of love that words are inadequate to express....hug our grandgirls for us today, please!

  2. “The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea"
    Since you can't be on Grand Manan, I am sure the sweat and tears will be enough. It's ok to cry.
    Thinking of you.